SLEEPING with the REAL ENEMY …barking up at the wrong tree— UNAPOLOGETICALLY ME — Quora

 

Toxic relationships disrupt life and can introduce infinite waves of abuse and pain. It is not uncommon for individuals who have never been involved in this type of romance to wonder if their partner has a personality disorder.

Could there be an underlying neurological cause for the violating or dangerous behaviors? For some, the answer is yes.

Individuals with personality disorders have difficulty relating to others, resulting in rocky relationships. There are some with these conditions that have a high potential to traumatize their mates due to their symptom profile.

The partners of individuals with psychopathy, narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, and antisocial personality disorder are often left with emotional and physical scars…

Don’t be brainwashed by someone gaslighting. Gaslighting is covert Narcissistic Abuse at it’s finest.

If a victim buys a liar’s false claim and gives he, she, or them credit for having a valid opinion based on their assertions, then the con is complete. A Narcissist only wins when they have a perception they have duped someone, conned, or made a selfish gain at someone else’s expense.

Denial, then, is simply a weak (meaning cowardly) Narcissist’s covert abuse tactic. That, or it’s the psychological refuge, conversationally speaking, of a truly deviant and malevolent person.

It’s like they live their life thinking they are in a true crime drama. Magically, Narcissists and Sociopathic predators alike seem to think that by looking a victim in the eye and denying having said or done anything malicious to them in private, the moral conversation will go down in cosmic history as “off the record”.

People who listen to predators end up being prey. Victims of a Narcissist’s ploy to gaslight them into believing whatever they do or say is true often experience the worst of late-in-life wake-up calls. They become the “FLYING MONKEYS”. For those who don’t know this term, “flying monkeys” are people that a narcissist uses to do their bidding. Sometimes, a narcissist will not attack you publicly in any way–which makes them look good–but they are privately telling carefully chosen people how evil and awful you are. They are experts at reading people and realizing who will make an easy target and a puppet. They also know who won’t, so they avoid the people they can’t easily use. Narcissists usually choose other, lesser, narcissists who will enjoy attacking you, or they choose very empathetic people who believe their stories and honestly believe they are supporting an innocent person. These flying monkeys then proceed to stalk you and report back to the narcissist–again, either to be mean or because they think they are helping the wronged party. Or, the worst flying monkeys will spread the lies the narcissist tells them privately by taking them public.

The lies don’t come from the narcissist’s mouth, so they can claim they are “taking the high road,” but the words the flying monkeys spread are *exactly* what they heard from the narc. They do the narcissist’s evil, but make it seem like the narcissist isn’t really involved.

They have no idea they are being used. The term comes from the flying monkeys in the Wizard of Oz since the wicked witch sends them to carry out her attacks. Most of the time, the narcissist has convinced the monkeys that the narcissist is the victim and the real victim is the abuser, so the monkeys go after the real victim and treat the real victim like the abuser. Although, I have seen some cases where the monkeys know who is the real abuser and who is the real victim, but just want to jump in on the attack on the victim.

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In order to become the narc’s hideous monkey, the SPOUSE would be abused via brainwash. Polluting the minds of weak people and planting hatred towards a total stranger on his favor…

HERE ARE COMMON SIGNS you are being recruited as a FLYING MONKEY by a narcissistic spouse:

1.You find yourself very angry on behalf of someone else who has told you a very emotional and convincing story…even though you really don’t have proof the story is true.

2. You find yourself overly invested in this person’s problems, and their enemies become your enemies…again, without real proof. (In my opinion, if you have obvious proof, it’s only natural to be angry about an abuser. But then again, if there is proof, then you aren’t being mislead to be a flying monkey. You are just being a normal, empathetic person.)

3. You find yourself using the same words and terms the alleged victim said to you. You are repeating what you are told but not really analyzing if it makes sense.

4. You are so caught up in the story and how awful it is, that you don’t question it.

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It’s normal for a nice, thoughtful person to be upset at an accused abuser. That’s exactly what a narcissist is counting on! They want to take advantage of your feelings and your empathy so they can use you as a tool to destroy the real victim. Covert Narcissists dangle their vulnerability in front of you as bait, just waiting for your good nurturing mothering/fathering instincts to kick in and rescue the poor little lost child they are presenting to you.
As soon as you reach out a helping hand, their jaws snap shut on you. Following prolonged exposure to the psychological toxic virus that is covert narcissism the agenda of wearing down the victims ego boundaries and injecting them with self doubt, anxiety and insecurity starts to work its way deeper and deeper into the mind and heart of the prey.
The victim, stuck in a maddening double bind, begins to go into a state of learned helplessness and submit to the twisted, upside-down reality tunnel of the covert narcissist and this is where the real, deep, prolonged damage can be done.

Whether a parent tells you they stayed in an abusive marriage for the sake of the children or they deny moral culpability for inciting rage and feelings of emotional insecurity in a cheated-on spouse, the more narcissistic the person in general the more likely they are to pull the denial of accountability card.

So, think hard.

(16 Signs You Love Someone With A SERIOUS Personality Disorder;http://facesofnarcissism.com/2015/03/23/472/;http://spartanlifecoach.com/covert-narcissistic-abuse-unmasked/)

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Originally published at www.quora.com.

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