(A)pathetic(’s) concern:” insults? nah, it’s called hug”, said the narc. — i call u K for kowardly accomplice; a histrionic life…

ASK ANYTHING @ QUORA

Mae Jacolo Aguilar”apple”, B.S. Nursing from West Negros University (2010)

 

What are the subtle or innocently perceived habits of toxic people?

“A JJ is a jealous-judgmental person. Jealous people are incredibly toxicbecause they have so much internal self-hate that they can’t be happy for anyone around them. And typically, their jealousy comes out as judgment,criticism or gossip. According to them, everyone else is awful, uncool or lacking in some way.”( 7 Types of Toxic People and How to Spot Them | Science of People)

Toxic people are practically everywhere, they are disguised in many ways and mostly known as “self proclaimed critique gurus”. TO ME, CRITICISM IS ONLY ACKNOWLEDGED IF THE CRITIC IS HIGHLY QUALIFIED, WELL- MANNERED AND NOT INSANE. OTHERWISE, YOU ARE JUST A HATER AND NOT A CRITIC…

IN MY OPINION, TO CRITICIZE IS THE ABILITY TO COMPREHEND AND ANALYSE HOW SOMETHING SHOULD BE DONE IN A CERTAIN WAY THAT IS MORALLY ACCEPTABLE. A PERSON OF ANY MALIGNANT MENTAL STATE IS MOST LIKELY INCAPABLE OF SUCH DELICATE PROCESS OF THINKING.

The psychoanalyst Otto Kernberg described malignant narcissism as asyndrome characterized by a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD),antisocial features, paranoid traits, and egosyntonic aggression. Other symptoms may include an absence of conscience, a psychological need for power, and a sense of importance (grandiosity). Pollock wrote: “The malignant narcissist is presented as pathologically grandiose, lacking in conscience and behavioral regulation with characteristic demonstrations of joyful cruelty and sadism”. (Malignant narcissism — Wikipedia)

“How do people with narcissistic personality disorder (narcissists for short) act? Besides showing lack of empathy (as judged not by words but by actions),”apathetic”, narcissists filter information and react on the basis of effect on their egos. Their actions reflect grandiose beliefs of superiority and uniqueness as well as their need for admiration and worship.(edit)

Narcissists are arrogant and preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited self-importance, success, and power (including that they alone can do something) and exaggerate their accomplishments and popularity. They exploit or take advantage of people for personal gain including feeding their egos and thus require excessive admiration. They pit people against each other to get what they want — they divide people to conquer and gain power over them. They manipulate others by influencing emotions like fearand anger, and with threats and lies. Another manipulation technique used is redefining reality by repeatedly fabricating fiction and arguing about it as if it were fact (such as presenting alternative facts), which leads listeners to question their own understanding of reality. “(Childhood Roots of Narcissistic Personality Disorder)

“Most people are not exposed to pathology on a daily basis, and so its manifestations can be bewildering. This is all the more reason for mental health professionals to speak up, no matter how “crazy” they themselves appear (this comes with the territory, since labeling the mental health professional as insane protects one from having to face the possibility oneself).

Accusations of partisanship will certainly come. But when health professionals are making a medical assessment, they are responding to outside natural phenomena, not subjective opinion, delusion, or preference. This is how we can have objective standards of care. There are even standards for includingcultural aspects or using the “self” as an instrument of observation, to which professionals are trained, with empirical data to back up their approaches and, most importantly, which they do not change according to whom they treat (this is what we call “medical neutrality”).”(Mental Health Experts Warn of a Malignant Normality)

I HAVE READ AN AMAZING ARTICLE BY a three-time #1 bestselling author, award-winning blogger and coach, Shahida Arabi, WHICH TALKS ABOUT 50 Devious Habits Of Highly Toxic Narcissists.

HERE ARE SOME THAT I HAVE CHOSEN TO HIGHLIGHT:

  • They criticize to nitpick and demean you, not to empower you. Highly toxic people don’t give constructive criticism as a way to help you — they throw nuggets of disdain rather than wisdom your way in order to make you double your efforts to please them. They stage personal attacks on your character or develop a hyperfocus on irrelevant things, sometimes even fabricated flaws, to evoke insecurity in you.
  • They give unsolicited advice, especially in situations where it is inappropriate to do so or about matters you’ve made clear are none of their business. Giving unsolicited advice enables a toxic person to feel in control and smug. Most of their unsolicited advice is usually not even helpful, and is doled out as a way to distract you from your progress.
  • They enjoy raining on your parade. Toxic people like bringing little tempests of debasing comments whenever they see you’re that you’re proud of yourself or feeling especially happy. It’s usually because they’re envious.
  • They copy your mannerisms, your work, your behavior, anything they covet. In this context, imitation is not the highest form of flattery, because they do it so often you feel like a part of you is being “stolen.” They are identity thieves in that they steal facets of your personality for their own. They are always “watching” to see what other attribute they can take from you. They have no core sense of self, so they’d prefer to mimic the qualities they know make you likeable and victorious.Ex. an obsessed narc lacking credentials of any medical background, publishing similar articles on psychology or may suddenly decide to appear on you tube just like the target person or may join similar web portals, follow same career path, among others.
  • They act superior to you and treat you with contempt, as if you were below them in some way. Toxic people believe that others exist to serve them and that they deserve to be the center of attention. They do not like seeing the success of others nor do they want to feel as if someone could possibly surpass them in any way. When they see someone with qualities and strengths that threaten to take the attention away from them, they do not hesitate in humiliating, shaming or tearing down that individual to put him or her back in “their place.”
  • They use chronic, vitriolic sarcasm. This form of sarcasm is notemployedas a way to playfully build rapport as some people use it, but as a way to demean you and make you feel small.
  • They attempt to sabotage you in areas where they know you’re flourishing. Whether it’s creating chaos before a major job interview or ruining a celebration, toxic people are always on the lookout for how they can prevent you from achieving a level of success and joy that could threaten to overtake their power over you.
  • They call you names and verbally abuse you. These are traumatic shortcuts to control your behavior. Toxic people know that if they repeat something long enough, you’ll start to internalize it. Verbal abuse acts as a portal to erode your identity and self-esteem.
  • They compete with you rather than celebrate your accomplishments. At first, toxic individuals may exhibit a starry-eyed admiration of your achievements. However, these same achievements come under extreme scrutiny as they work to use them for their own agenda or diminish them as a way to feel superior.
  • They exaggerate your flaws to the point of absurdity. This is meant to leave you feeling hopeless and worthless so that you are unable to self-validate. When you’re too busy feeling unworthy, you’re also too busy to realize that you deserve better.(50 Devious Habits Of Highly Toxic Narcissists (And Why They Do What They Do))

Writing a critique involves more than pointing out mistakes. It involves conducting a systematic analysis of a scholarly article or book and then writing a fair and reasonable description of its strengths and weaknesses. Look for a “manuscript reviewer guide” in your own discipline to guide your analysis of the content. For each type of critique, it’s important to state your praise, criticism, and suggestions politely, but with the appropriate level of strength. If you are critiquing a published text, the author cannot revise, so your suggestions are purely hypothetical. ” (Writing Critiques — The Writing Center)

According to Steven Stosny, Ph.D.,founder of Compassion Power in suburban Washington, DC. and author of “Anger in the Age of EntitlementareEmpowered Love and Soar Above,

“Criticism is the only reliable form of autobiography,” Oscar Wilde said, because it tells you more about the psychology of the critic than the people he or she criticizes. Astute professionals can formulate a viable diagnostic hypothesis just from hearing someone’s criticisms. Critical people were often criticized in early childhood by caretakers, siblings, or peers, at an age when criticism can be especially painful. They cannot distinguish criticism of their behavior from outright rejection, no matter how much we try to make the distinction for them, as in the well-intentioned, “You’re a good boy, but this behavior is bad.” Such a distinction requires a higher prefrontal cortex operation, which is beyond most young children. For a child under seven, anything more than occasional criticism, even if soft-pedaled, means they’re bad and unworthy.

The only thing young children can do to survive is attach emotionally to people who will take care of them. Feeling unworthy of attachment, as criticized young children are apt to feel, can seem like life or death. So they try to control the great pain of criticism by turning it into self-criticism — because self-inflicted pain is better than unpredictable rejection by loved ones.

By early adolescence, such children begin to “identify with the aggressor” — emulating the more powerful criticizer. By late adolescence, their self-criticism expands to criticism of others. By young adulthood, it appears to have shifted entirely to criticism of others. But most critical people remain primarily self-critical — I have never treated one who was not.

Criticism is destructive to relationships when it is:

  • About personality or character, rather than behavior
  • Filled with blame
  • Not focused on improvement
  • Based on only one “right way” to do things
  • Belittling (To belittle, you have to be little — Gibran)

Why Criticism Doesn’t Work

At no time in this downward spiral does an obvious fact occur to critical people: Criticism is an utter failure at getting positive behavior change. Any short-term gain you might get from it builds resentment down the line.

Criticism fails because it embodies two of the things that human beings hate the most:

  1. It calls for submission, and we hate to submit.
  2. It devalues, and we hate to feel devalued.

While people hate to submit, though, we actually like to cooperateCritical people seem oblivious to this key point about human nature: The valued self cooperates; the devalued self resists. If you want behavior change from a partner, child, relative, or friend, first show value for the person. If you want resistance, criticize. (What’s Wrong With Criticism)

References: What’s Wrong With CriticismWriting Critiques — The Writing Center50 Devious Habits Of Highly Toxic Narcissists (And Why They Do What They DoMental Health Experts Warn of a Malignant NormalityChildhood Roots of Narcissistic Personality DisorderMalignant narcissism — Wikipedia7 Types of Toxic People and How to Spot Them | Science of People

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Mae Jacolo Aguilar”apple”THE MULTI- TOPIC BLOG- writes about personal interests& passion.specializing on HUMAN BEHAVIOR. elicits toxic reaction by annoyance.certified weirdo& a nurse


Originally published at www.quora.com.

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